Throwing Your Sex Life To The Gutter

Wed, 08/01/2012 - 01:33 -- amber

Sure, a great partner who is always interested in satisfying you can make you feel safe, appreciated, grateful about life and sex. But a partner cannot control the deeper mechanisms of your mind and body: if you start to feel uncomfortable about displaying your sensuality, or unconfident about your sexual prowess, you will stop enjoying any moment of intimacy with a partner, and you will have reached that point completely on your own.

Keep in mind this list of risky attitudes about your sex life: you may not be able to avoid them completely (they come to most people´s heads once in a while), but if you recognize them well you´ll be able to discard them as minor bothers.

Don´t stand next to an “ideal” other

Whether it´s about your body, your general appearance, your sense of fashion, your sexual stamina, your sexual endowments, or anything you may come to think of, comparisons are a proven joy-killer. Sexual pleasure is built between you and your partner, and any external reference is completely irrelevant –worse than irrelevant, it works against the natural intimacy of a couple.

Don´t ignore your body either

If you truly follow the point about no comparisons, it means you also should feel totally confident about your body as well. If you think something along the lines of: ok, I won´t compare it, but I´ll try to pretend my extra weight is not there, then you´re already jumping into another mistake. That extra weight is part of your body, and every part must be involved in sex: you must enjoy with every part and we can assure you that your partner will do so just as much.

Don´t go only for the expert´s choice

It´s ok to take a look at specialized books or magazines once in a while, but sex happens every day and in the privacy of your bedroom, so it´s silly to imagine that experts will have an answer for every situation. Always leave room for improvisation, for building things along with your partner, and not caring at all about what the rest of the world thinks.

Being a serious individual… not so good an idea here

We´re glad you´ve grown up and can be very straight and responsible about some things of life, such as work, emotional maturity, commitment. Sex, though, is always about being childish (not egoistic, but playful) and not taking things so seriously. Have fun, that´s the general objective.

Still, do pay attention

The fact that you can keep in a relaxed state of mind while having sex does not mean you are allowed to be idle: you need to be completely appealed by what you´re doing at the time, so make sure you save some time for intimacy with your partner when there are no other concerns that might get in the way and spoil your time together.

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Amber Hoffman

I am writer and editor at Bedroom Stories online magazine, writing about sexual relationships and better understanding our lives. Feel free to contact me at [email protected]