Helping Your Partner Out of Their Shell

Sat, 08/18/2012 - 12:02 -- kylerichtig

Sexual partners come in all shapes, sizes and social classes. Depending on an individual's background, sex may be a difficult subject to discuss. Those who have had strict religious upbringings or histories of sexual abuse may find need special help in overcoming their past. Find ways to support and challenge your partner to reach their sexual wholeness.

Start a dialogue

Begin with telling your partner about your sexual past. Let them know what you engaged in, what you liked and what you may be looking for in the future. Gently ask them to share their sexual history with you. If they have emotional difficulty doing so, you may wish to encourage them to discuss their history with a professional. Let them know that you are willing to attend sessions with them as necessary.

Encourage exploration

If your partner is not sure what they are interested in, invite them to explore themselves in a non-judgemental way. The best way for your partner to learn about what they like is to find out alone. Alternatively, ask your partner if they would like you to explore their bodies for them. At a minimum they should be able to tell you what they do not like.

Create a message board

If your partner feels awkward speaking about their sexual needs, create a board where they can post messages. Invite them to leave messages such as: * "Meet me in the backyard after dinner for sex" * "I am going to think about fucking you all day at work" * "I want you to take me when I least expect it"

How explicit the messages are may increase with time and comfort level.

Provide resources

If your partner has had few sexual encounters, or little variety in their sexual activity, provide them with a resource of sexual positions such as's Sex Encyclopedia. Invite your partner to choose two new positions for you to try. Giving your partner the resources to research may broaden their understanding of sex. Give your partner reference to what positions you like, so they can read more about them in a safe environment. Helping your partner combat their sexual shyness can be a frustrating maneuver if you are accustomed to sexually free partners. Everyone starts out with little sexual knowledge, which they build throughout their lives. Do not persecute prospective partners for having less experience than you do. Encourage them to experience the sexual freedom you enjoy. The effort will create a better result for both sides!

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Kyle Richtig

Kyle Richtig is a Canadian writer of foundry pushing poetry and fiction. He is certified in personality assessment and sees sex as an endless buffet of options. Check out more about his projects at