The Language of Sex: S&M Terms

The Language of Sex: S&M Terms

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 00:09 -- kylerichtig

In different sexual sub-cultures terms are used to signify objects or people. Terms may vary in region, however, the term S&M is universally refers to sadism and masochism. Learn what some of the language of S&M is before joining a community.

Sadism - the sadist, also known as the "top" or "dominant" is the partner who carries out activities on the other. This partner may perform a variety of activities as predetermined by the couple. This may involve bondage, verbal and/or physical abuse, as well as demeaning behaviour. Masochism - the masochist may also go by the name "bottom" or "submissive". The masochist receives the activities from the sadist. A submissive partner chooses the level of activities and play before they commence.

CBT - CBT stands for "Cock and Balls Torture" wherein a dominant partner tortures the submissive male's genital for sexual pleasure.

Safe word - a safe word is agreed upon before any activities occur. The submissive partner uses the safe word to indicate to the dominant partner that the activity has escalated to a point where it is no longer pleasurable.

Dungeon - a place where S&M activities occur, and/or where the equipment is stored.

Wax play - the act of dripping hot wax on a submissive partner.

Pup-play - an activity in which the submissive takes on the characteristics of a dog. The submissive may be made to eat from dog bowls, bark and retrieve objects. This does not involve an element of bestiality, but rather to illuminate the complete dominance of the sadist.

Erotic sexual denial - the act of sexually stimulating the submissive, but only to a point of extreme arousal. The dominant keeps the submissive at the point of orgasm, but does not let them climax.

Butt plug - a butt plug is inserted into the submissive partner's anus, for stimulation and/or humiliation games. The butt plug has a flared end as to not be lost in the rectal cavity. Butt plugs are fashioned in a variety of sizes for different users.

Handkerchief codes - handkerchief's are used as visible symbols of the wearer's desires. The location of the handkerchief denotes whether the wearer is a dominant or submissive, and the colour indicates the types of activities the wearer is into.

The terms used in S&M are vast. If you are joining a new community in your area, do your homework. Speak to several individuals in the group before making your decision. Understanding your partner(s) is the first step in choosing what community is best for you.

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Kyle Richtig

Kyle Richtig is a Canadian writer of foundry pushing poetry and fiction. He is certified in personality assessment and sees sex as an endless buffet of options. Check out more about his projects at