How to Discuss Your Fetish with Your Partner

How to Discuss Your Fetish with Your Partner

Tue, 10/02/2012 - 20:17 -- kylerichtig

Do you have a fetish that you are afraid to discuss with your partner? Fetishes are normal expressions of human sexuality, that in truth, not everyone understands. If you have found a partner that you enjoy, but have not had the conversation regarding your fetish yet, here are some tips to assist you.


You have likely done your own research into your fetish, but if you have not, look up information online. Understand your fetish and its implications. Most fetishes are benign and are usually seen as more extreme to the individual to their partner. If your fetish is extreme and causing you issues, speak with a counselor before moving forward.

Probe without disclosing your own interests

Discuss fetishes with your partner. See how he or she feels about them: they may have their own fetish that parallels or matches your own. If they do not have a fetish of their own to jump off of, or have a negative reaction to the fetish, you may wish to process what you have learned before discussing your own needs. This probe may result in a "What are you trying to tell me?" reaction. Be careful in your approach.

Decide what to do next

After researching your fetish and taking the barometer of your partner on the matter decide what is the best course of action for you. Is your fetish simply a variety of pornography that you enjoy? If you have successfully had sex with your partner without using your fetish object, you may not need to bring it up at all. Figure out for yourself what the benefits are of telling your partner vs. not telling them.

Speak with your partner

If you have decided to speak with your partner, either because you need to see a counselor, or because you need to disclose, be gentle. Attack this conversation with a "this is who I am" tone, rather than "this is what I need". This will alleviate any pressure he or she will feel to accommodate your fetish. Give them an open door to say they are not interested in it themselves. Ask them to understand what you are going through, and for patience. Both are the mark of a good partner.

Telling your partner about your fetish is not always easy. Understand your fetish and the views of your partner before you disclose your needs. The best partner for you will have neither judgment nor scrutiny for you.

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Kyle Richtig

Kyle Richtig is a Canadian writer of foundry pushing poetry and fiction. He is certified in personality assessment and sees sex as an endless buffet of options. Check out more about his projects at