A Taste Of The BDSM Lifestyle

A Taste Of The BDSM Lifestyle

Thu, 10/18/2012 - 00:53 -- kaboomaloha

Due to the recent success of the erotic E L James novel, 50 Shades Of Grey, many have suddenly become interested in BDSM. In the books, the dominant is a gorgeous man named Christian Grey and his submissives are usually brunette women who he does what he calls “kinky fuckery” to. The books detail every sexual BDSM fantasy and encounter the protagonists have and after reading the trilogy, I have found myself wondering more about the said lifestyle.

To begin with, what is BDSM anyway? Well, the answer to that question is not really that simple. Before we delve into it some more, here are the cross over meanings of the acronym. It can be B&D which stands for bondage and discipline, D&S which means dominance and submission, or S&M which means sadomasochism or sadism and masochism. There are two roles in a BDSM relationship. One is the Dominant (Dom) – He/she is the partner who carries out the activity and basically, controls the situations while the other is called a Submissive – the partner who mainly receives all the activity. The dominant is considered the sadist if he/she likes to inflict pain on his/her partner while the submissive, a masochist because of the fact that there is pain involved but he/she somehow enjoys it and does nothing about it. Not all couples agree to have just the man or the woman in the relationship be the Dom. Sometimes, they also do a little switch. Not for payback but for a different kind of pleasure involved. But as fun as I sounds, be warned that such a lifestyle is not for everyone.

Whether you are interested in participating in a BDSM relationship or not, it is understanding the culture and its practices that you and all the others need to haveHonestly, many people practice some form or element of BDSM in their sexual lives without even being aware of it. Most people who are not comfortable with this lifestyle often think that it is a sick lifestyle where people use whips, canes, floggers and ropes to both have sex and give pain to their partners. When in reality, the whole letting your partner lie down while you do something to him or her without the handcuffs but with the blindfold is already a form of subtle BDSM. If only people would know more before they judge those who practice the said lifestyle.

What is the difference of abuse and BDSM? BDSM enthusiasts and practitioners agree that BDSM is NOT abuse. People who practice them in its trillion forms do them voluntarily for fun. It is a way to explore our sexuality and others as well. Everything that happens in such a relationship should be consensual, not forced and you may not believe this but this true. Sometimes it is not about the dominant getting what he/she wants, at the end of the day, it is still about what the submissive truly wants. The dominant is merely the doer of that action while the submissive the receiver. An abuser does not have any regard for the feelings, needs or limits of his/her victim. A BDSM dominant is concerned above all else with the needs and desires of his/her submissive. In a BDSM relationship, there are limits. The dominant and the submissive discuss those limits and group them into two: soft and hard limits. Basically, soft limits are activities that are easy to do. Hard limits are activities that are difficult activities but it is up to the dominant if he/she will or can prepare his/her submissive to let go of it as a hard limit then turning it into a soft limit. There is also such a thing in a BDSM relationship as a safe word. The dominant and the submissive need to agree on a safe word to use so that while doing an activity so that the dominant will be able to know if it is too much for the submissive to take or not.

There is no shame in admitting to have this kind of lifestyle. Although not widely accepted, more and more people are becoming open to the idea. The shame only comes from suppressing your feelings for liking this lifestyle, never allowing them to rise and give it a try. There is a wide variety of activities within a BDSM relationship. If you want to go for mild, spanking or lightly tying of wrists or other body parts to something during sexual play. Then there are heavy S&M activities which involves breath control, knife play or the usage of other tools for binding, gagging, and sensual over stimulation. BDSM actions can often take place during a specific period of time as agreed upon by the dominant and the submissive. During these sessions which they also call play or scene, participants usually derive their pleasure from practices that inflict pain, humiliation and the act of being restrained which would be uncomfortable and definitely not welcome in normal circumstances. Sexual intercourse – whether it is oral, anal or vaginal – may or may not occur during a session depending on both the participants. Such practices are rarely done in public places because it is against the BDSM rules. Such sessions are done in closed and private spaces in order for the participants to be able to enjoy more.

BDSM enthusiasts and practitioners agree that BDSM is NOT abuseFor some people who do not want to take the risk, aside from asking for the consent of their submissive, they also ask their submissive to sign a written summarized contract which is an agreement that both parties of what and what cannot take place during their sessions. This is to ensure that the dominant and the submissive will both enjoy the experience without being judged or being denied of his/her rights. In general, BDSM plays are structured. This is why a safe word in needed for the submissive's safety. Sometimes a safe symbol can also be used if the submissive has been gagged which denies him/her the ability to speak properly during the session. Generally, red means stop, yellow means it is getting to intense or rough while green means okay. It is up to the dominant to recognize those safe words and symbols as if he/she does not honor them then it is considered a serious misconduct. However, sometimes some do not use safe words or symbols at all. Mainly because there are some scenes that are hard to stop while in the middle of. Punishment scenes are already considered hardcore BDSM as it is in this type of play where the submissive becomes the slave and the dominant becomes the master. The couple can have abduction scenes, rape play or interrogation. This what they call consensual nonconsent, only because the master and the slave believe that they are role playing two roles that are essential to making sure that they both achieve what they want to achieve from the said BDSM scenes.

In BDSM, tools are commonly used to not only inflict pain to their partners but at the same time, stimulate them and prepare them for sexual intercourse if both parties consent to it. The submissive and the dominant need to be aware of the things that they can and cannot use. They also need to know which body parts can be damaged if they participate in some scenes that they would like to have in the future. Despite all the risks and the study that one must encounter, many still continue on with having a BDSM lifestyle. Lastly, BDSM is not all about pain. It is also about pleasure. People who practice the BDSM lifestyle mainly do it not for personal gratification but rather, to let their partners fulfill their own needs, desires and fetishes. Some can do this in exchange of money while others just do it for fun. Whether you are interested in participating in a BDSM relationship or not, it is understanding the culture and its practices that you and all the others need to have. Although the new world of BDSM is filled with prejudices, cliches and stereotypes which causes misunderstanding, many still continue to develop and adapt the said lifestyle. Many people who do not know a lot about the lifestyle develop misconceptions and biased opinions about it but that is old news. If only they realize that there is more to BDSM that what they already know.