The Secret Language of Couples

The Secret Language of Couples

Sun, 10/28/2012 - 20:23 -- kylerichtig

All couples have their own secret language. Many couples finish each other's sentences because they are so in-sync. The secret signals couples give each other allow them to communicate without words, or in words others do not seem to understand.


Most couples can read each other fairly well. Gestures and body language are the majority of our communication; therefore we can read our partner well from across the room. Some couples invent gestures they can use to communicate specific information in social situations. A tug on the ear may mean, "Save me from this conversation.", or tapping ones nose may say, "Meet me in the bathroom.". Create your own gestures for situations.

Dropping names

In social situations couples can use alternate names to describe others and keep conversations private. Create new names for people that are easy to remember. Use international names for ease, i.e. Matt becomes Mattias. To give more information about a person at a party, try comparing against others who will be unknown. "This is Shelly, she reminds me so much of your cousin Stella." In this example, Stella is an irritating family member that friends and coworkers will not know.

Safe words

Safe words are used in sex, but can also be used in social situations to communicate with your partner. Choose a word such as blue, to communicate to your partner. You may say, "I haven't seen a blue couch in a long time." This message may mean, it's time to go. "Look at Jenny's blue broach." May mean she's the one you want to take home for a threesome. Work out the context of your safe words before going to a party.

In Your Own Communication

Couples will sometimes use both gestures and words to communicate specific information. For those who have issues discussing their emotions or needs, it may be easier to use words that are less charged. Some may choose to use a pet name for their partner, rather than telling them they love them often. If your partner has issues opening up, try using alternate language. Try "what do you think about..." or "what do you feel about..." to appeal to different sides of their understanding. Some people have difficulty describing the feeling they do have. Most couples have a form of secret language that they use to communicate. Whether their secret language is gestural, uses safe words or is only in your home, try developing a language that will help you both communicate better. It may be what saves you from your next taxing social conversation.

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Kyle Richtig

Kyle Richtig is a Canadian writer of foundry pushing poetry and fiction. He is certified in personality assessment and sees sex as an endless buffet of options. Check out more about his projects at