Time to Take a Break

Sat, 06/09/2012 - 19:49 -- jcartwright

Couples do take breaks. Let us start there. It is done and it is done successfully, though not always. The question is why? What are the legitimate reasons for proposing a separation, brief or long?

I think the first thing to notice is that there is no reason not to, ever.

There is no reason not to take a break

The reasoning behind this admittedly strange idea is simple. If you are having any doubts at all, if you are confused or feel you need time to think things through, then you have good reason for a break. However, there are no reasons not to take a break. Taking a break will give you time to reflect: that is its purpose. In that time, if you want to stay with someone, you realise it. If you realize you don’t want to stay with someone, you would only have been prolonging the misery had you decided not to take a break. In other words, taking a break can have unpleasant outcomes, but it can have no bad outcomes. The unpleasant outcome is saving you from the even more unpleasant one you would have had you decided to stay in a doomed relationship.

Rediscovering Yourself

In the torrent of emotions that accompany a new relationship, the confused feelings and the impassioned highs, it can be difficult to know what is real and what merely the romance of the moment. We can get so confused we can lose track of ourselves. It becomes difficult to tell, after a certain point, who we even are anymore. In these cases it is good to take a break and consider things.

There exists as well another reason that people sometimes feel as though they need to rediscover themselves. In the first case, it is most often couples that have only been together for a short time that need to take a break in order to understand what is actually meaningful and lasting to them. In the second case, there is no length of the relationship that is necessarily associated. Compromise is associated with any relationship, and necessary. However, there is such a thing as too much compromise. And sometimes, a relationship becomes so propped up on compromise that you have difficulty saying what it is you really want anymore. What are your desires, your goals, etc.

When this happens and compromise has reached such a point that you no longer feel as though you know yourself, it is probably time to take a break and consider: are you still happy in this relationship? Do you think you could do better? Are you settling for less? What is reasonable compromise and what is compromising yourself? These are important questions to ask. A little space can help to clear the air and let you see more clearly.

Taking Time is a Learning Experience

Lastly, I would mention that taking time apart is a way to learn more about each other. Relationships can be so busy that we can have trouble finding the time to reflect. A little time apart lets us consider the relationship so far and ponder a little. In general, it is not a good thing to replay the past in one’s head too much, but in some cases intense contemplation is not a bad thing.

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James Cartwright

Just like to write about sex and relationships!