Looking for help to make receiving oral more enjoyable


I have been with my SO for several years, and as is probably common in some relationships, I tend to go down on him much more often than he reciprocates.

However, I am at the point where I am not super gung ho about receiving. I am extremely self conscious about my "environment" down there, and I have a hard time putting that aside.

I don't have a lot of health problems that would affect my downstairs or anything, and I practice good hygiene.

My SO has this way of going about it as if he is trying some sort of foreign food for the first time, which I would venture is probably how he feels since it is such a rare occurrence. I can't relax when he looks like it is about to jump up and bite him.

Basically, how do you suggest incorporating oral in a non intimidating way? I admit that I used to be pretty reluctant to go down on him, but after time I got the hang of it and I actually get into it.

I don't know how to broach the subject without being accusatory or bitter. It doesn't help that I have a history of rarely achieving orgasm in whatever we are doing, even alone.


I just want to say, it is ok if you don't enjoy receiving oral. If it is just not something that does much for you and you don't really like it, don't feel pressure to make yourself like it.

If however, you still find yourself wanting to enjoy it I recommend first talking to your partner about your concerns. I also struggled with feeling self conscious about receiving oral and still do, even with a partner that I have been with for years that loves doing it. Every time he goes down I still squirm away and try to avoid it, and he just holds my legs open and goes for it. Focusing on the sensations helps me to put aside my self consciousness.

amber's picture
Amber Hoffman

I am writer and editor at Bedroom Stories online magazine, writing about sexual relationships and better understanding our lives. Feel free to contact me at [email protected]

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