When a Date Goes Bad

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 10:00 -- jcartwright

Well, we’ve all been there. You were having a great time. The food was good and the wine was nice; you thought the conversation was flowing along nicely.

Maybe you weren’t Oscar Wild and she wasn’t Bette Midler, but you were pleasantly fumbling your ways along… or so you thought…

Then she checks her watch. Odd, but we all need to keep track of the time. Now she needs to go to the bathroom. She spends an awful lot of time in there, but perhaps the Foi Gras didn’t agree with her. And then, “Well…it’s getting kind of late so…” Sigh. Apparently, she wasn’t enjoying things as much as you were. Nobody likes it when this happens. Unfortunately, it does happen and it happens to everyone. Here are a few thoughts then on handling it. They apply to both men and women

Be a Gentleman (woman)

99.9 precent of dates won’t go bad if you only follow this simple rule. Maybe the sparks aren’t there or this person wasn’t what you were looking for. Now that you’ve found that out, what are you going to do? Pout for the rest of the evening? NO! You can have fun with almost anyone if you are only willing to be simple good company. Smile at them, engage them in conversation, tell them about yourself—not matter how entertained you actually think they are, there is no excuse for you to stop trying. However, in more extreme cases this may fail to work. In which case you should… Be a Gentleman (woman).

So you’ve tried your hardest to amuse. You’ve contorted yourself, twisted up your face and even told some of your Dad’s lame old jokes. It doesn’t appear to be working? Here is where a lot of people make what I feel to be a very big mistake. At the point where it becomes obvious to you that whatever you’re doing isn’t working, that she/he is not having a good time then many people decide to clam up and hunker down for an evening of forced smiles and hollow laughs. This is not the way things are best handled. If things really aren’t working, do both of you a favour and bring it up. Spare you both the pain. It’s not as hard or as awkward as it sounds. Just be diplomatic and kind and you’ll find most people’s feelings won’t get hurt, especially if they feel the same way as you do about the date. They’ll probably be grateful for your frankness!

Negative Feedback Loop

As I mentioned earlier, bad dates are a pretty rare phenomena for people who approach them with a certain mentality. Realizing this can help you to avoid bad dates. The most important thing is not to fall into a negative feedback loop; that is, simply, don’t get focused on the negative, because then all you start to notice is the negative and the more negative you notice, the more negative you notice. Don’t fall into this trap. Take the good with the bad, and always be on the lookout for the best in your date. Focusing on what disappoints only disappoints more.

jcartwright's picture
James Cartwright

Just like to write about sex and relationships!