What a guy expects from dating

What a guy expects from dating

Thu, 07/19/2012 - 00:39 -- amber

Things are starting to change, and we hope it´s for good. Guys are no longer forced to utterly embrace the ideals of masculinity and court women in a superficial way, like they are trophies to show off of damsels in distress to be rescued. Men are allowed to be sensitive now, and at the same time, well guys are still guys: things don´t change so quickly. So in this new mix of thoughtfulness and briskness you may find in the man you are dating, it´s not so simple to figure out what he expects. There is a whole range of atypical possibilities, which include extreme interests –from one-night-stands to quests for finding a wife–, but in general we can say a man who goes out in dates is meeting new girls to find one with whom he is comfortable enough to start a relationship.

But what is it exactly that attracts a guy these days? Here are a few ideas on the subject.

A romantic interest

That´s right, maybe it does not come to your mind in the first place, but men are looking for someone to share their heart with. Loving and being loved is one of the best things on earth, and that works the same for a man and a woman, even if he does not say it aloud. It´s not, of course, about effusive, superficial displays of affection; it is more about caring: even from a slow start you can show your interest by simple words of appreciation after a date, saying what a good time you´ve just had, and then not appearing too distant in the following dates. This will grow slowly into a true enjoyment of each other´s company, and gratitude for the time you spent together –eventually you´ll find yourselves in a point at which you can really tell one cares as much as the other, and that bond of closeness and reciprocity is what men find so attractive.

The looks

Men are not looking for models (at least, not those who are interested in a relationship). Your external appearance does matter, but only the way you use it: a guy expects the woman she is dating to feel beautiful, so even if you are not the non plus ultra expression of what society think is “hot”, he can concentrate in being crazy about you for the whole of your person, instead of having to reassure you that you are more attractive than that brunette next door (if you are asking, you probably know the other girl is somewhat better-looking, but that´s completely irrelevant since your partner chose you).

A dynamic lifestyle is ok, but…

Men can´t resist the charm in a woman that stands out for not doing the usual: if you practice rare hobbies, enjoy alternative or cultural activities, or have a knack for setting off adventurous plans, all those are things a men can appreciate. However, he still will look for a different part of you, something that tells him that along with your uniqueness you are able to think about a future in which you two can form a place to call home. It´s a subtle thing, like showing you have the disposition to commitment without accepting it as something boring, but as a holding point to which you can recur for stability in the middle of all the experiences life offers to you.

A challenging girl, with a great sense of humor

It´s clear if a guy is going out with you he expects you to be somehow different from his male buddies: the need to be courteous, attentive, and caring toward you is part of what they´ll like about being with you. It´s not so much of a duty: they actually enjoy when you set up some expectations he has to meet, because he cares about you. However, you´ll need to understand he can fail sometimes, and this is where humor comes in. Stressing too much about little details is something that won´t attract him so much. Be relaxed, be open to change together with him rather than forcing him too change… as a very famous song will tell you, let it be: love can´t be controlled and it is thus easier to love someone who doesn´t need to feel things under control at all times.

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Amber Hoffman

I am writer and editor at Bedroom Stories online magazine, writing about sexual relationships and better understanding our lives. Feel free to contact me at [email protected]