The Morning After: Escaping Unscathed

Sun, 07/08/2012 - 13:46 -- kylerichtig

For anyone who has had a one-night stand, the morning after can be an awkward experience. Even if you did the Kneeling Greva Amazon and Prison Guard, this doesn't mean you are looking for commitment.

Partners that may have seemed to be a good idea the night before, often loose their appeal in the harsh light of morning.

Have a backup plan

If you are thinking about going home with someone, escape the morning after by not getting to it. Have an escape plan that allows you to leave when the sex is over. Set yourself an alarm on your phone with a text message alert sound. Your phantom message needs to you get home immediately.

Wake up early

This is generally not hard when sleeping in an unfamiliar bed. You can decide in the morning how you wish to handle the incident. If you want to see the person again, wake them up before you leave. If not, simply leave a note saying thanks. The earlier you wake, the easier it is to get out and home before anyone is the wiser.

Act crazy

When a one-night stand partner becomes too clingy immediately, amp up your crazy side. Craziness can take on many forms. Perhaps you have an overwhelming need to turn the lights on and off hundreds of times. Maybe you start hearing things that you vocalize. If they are understanding or turned on more, keep turning up the crazy knob!

Use a different name

On nights that you are seeking one-night stands - change your identity (and hopefully the bar or club that you frequent). If your one-night stand asks around about you, there will be no trail to follow. Choose a new identity for yourself, including name, occupation and hometown. Choose a random number to give out. A convenience store phone number often works.

Always have sex at their house

Perhaps one of the most cardinal of one-night stands. Never let your one-night stand know where you live. If you already know the individual, and they know where you live, still keep true to the rule. If you let your home become a sex related zone, you are one step closer to a relationship. Occasionally the morning after is a pleasant experience. Sometimes the one-night stand leads to a lifetime of love. For the most though, the one-night stand serves to get two people off. Protect yourself by having a planned to be unscathed!

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Kyle Richtig

Kyle Richtig is a Canadian writer of foundry pushing poetry and fiction. He is certified in personality assessment and sees sex as an endless buffet of options. Check out more about his projects at kylerichtig.com