Building up romance

Wed, 02/15/2012 - 21:24 -- amber

You can just feel it: that special friend is also interested in you, and all what you need is the right combination of events to kindle that initial spark of attraction between you.

Asking somebody out when you intend to establish a relationship with that person in the long term is not an easy thing to do. When you find yourself in one of these cases, it's usually about someone whom you have known for a long time, and most likely, she (or he) is your friend. This article provides some hints to deal with the complex process of jumping from friendship to romance.

First of all, know the facts

There is something that-most of the times-you need to find out before taking any course of action: a good idea of how the other sees you. You might think you have perceived some undeniable signs of attraction from their side, but there are different degrees in which a person can feel attracted to a friend. There is a possibility, for instance, that they see you as a good catch, and that they are convinced you would be a terrific partner in a sentimental relationship. And still, perhaps they recognize that attractiveness as something they do not feel particularly compatible with. If you sense there is a situation like this, or any other peculiar complexity that you need to sort out, ask around and try to see where are you standing in their eyes.

The initial dates

Spending time with a long time friend cannot be an exact replica of the usual dating process. The ideal thing to do would be to set up informal dates during the first stages of the getting-closer phase: activities that do not have a clear romantic intention but that allow you to spend time together, all by your own. At some point during these initial encounters you'll feel comfortable enough to express you have feelings for that person beyond mere friendship, but it is rather advisable that you do not suggest embarking upon a relationship yet: it will only be a transition from hanging out alone to going out on dates with a clear-though moderate-romantic intention.

Avoid overwhelming attention

It is perfectly understandable that you will want to have some specific gestures toward this friend you've just started dating: paying for their dinner, buying them small presents, perhaps even baking something for them. It is likewise only natural that you'll seek any opportunity to spend time with a person who's becoming increasingly important to you, and thus, you might find yourself setting up dates (or simply casual encounters) a little too often. You need to understand you both need to learn how you are going to look at each other after the time you've spent as friends, so if you draw too many elements to the gameboard you may just be creating confusion. Keep your head cool and stay close without stepping over the line of what seems natural for both of you. This might sound hard, but if you are really close without imposing yourself, you can follow the other's lead to decide how much you want to start sharing at each point down the road.

When situation is ripe, don't go double-checking

One small disadvantage of the transition from friends to couple is that a romantic relationship often involves moments of wordless interaction, but you will feel so familiar around the other person that you might just keep on talking at inappropriate times. This is the final, yet very important step to take: knowing when to leave thoughts behind. When the atmosphere between both of you is so romantic that a kiss seems natural at any time, don't go around asking indirect questions to make sure! Just be gentle and confident, and things are likely to flow along a wonderful course.

amber's picture
Amber Hoffman

I am writer and editor at Bedroom Stories online magazine, writing about sexual relationships and better understanding our lives. Feel free to contact me at [email protected]