invite a woman to your place

5 Things to do before you invite a woman to your place

Fri, 04/27/2012 - 13:52 -- jcartwright

At last, the moment has arrived. She stands divine upon your doorstep. Graciously, you open the door. Lightly, she enters the parlour. She compliments the furnishings, you accept demurely; your mothers taste was always impeccable. She asks to use the ladies’ room. Gallantly, you lead the way. With elegance she opens the door…and supresses a gasp of horror. You have forgotten to clean the bathroom!

Alas, gentlemen of the world, can we not learn to spare the fairer sex a few of our indignities? Do the ladies a favour and, before inviting them over, be sure you’ve done the five following things.

Clean the Bathroom!

Have you cleaned the bathroom? This one is about as obvious as a streaker folks: dried pee and funky odours from down the hall do not make for romance. All the more reason when you think that, probably, at some point or another in the evening she is going to ask to use it. A woman is looking to see that you’re a clean hygienic guy. If you show her that you’re a pig, she’s going to think that you’re a pig. It doesn’t need to smell like bleach, just a little soap and water should do the trick. And saints preserve us, make sure there’s toilet paper.

Get Some Wine

Naturally, nobody feels perfectly at ease their first time in someone else’s home. It helps if you offer a drink! Only all too often it happens that, opening the fridge, all you find is some canned Budweiser, Orange Juice and a soda. Have something nice to offer. It says you’ve been looking forward to her coming over and that you’ve thought ahead. If you know nothing about wine, just ask the man behind the counter. Nice glasses are an essential too!

Pick up your Stuff

Nothing turns the ladies off faster than slop. Go ahead; invite her over, dishes piled around the couch and cloths strewn over the floor. Treat her just like your roommates; I’m sure she won’t mind! Next time you call her up, she’ll be sorry, but she’s going out with friends. And this would be what you deserved. How you have prepared the space defines you. If you leave your stinky, unwashed drawers on the couch, it means you care, but only at the I-invited-you-over-but-left-my-stinky-unwashed-drawers-on-the-couch level of caring. In short, clean up because: you are not presenting your place, you are presenting yourself.

If you have Roommates…

Yes, you have prepared a quiet evening in. The places are set, for you and for her, the roast is in the oven, the candle casts a pleasant glow… but you might as well set a place for Bob too, over in the corner, as he will be joining you for the evening. There is not much to break the atmosphere like an errant roommate, wandering through your romance. As you cuddle on the couch, he walks over and turns on his Xbox; while you whisper sweet nothings, he swears at the team-killing bastard. This is how neither of you wants things to be. Spare yourself a painful lesson: kick your roommates out, or invite her over when they’re not around (nor likely to come back).

Give it some Class

So you’ve cleaned the bathroom, picked up your clothes and you have the place entirely to yourself for the evening. What more can you do? Give it some class. Don’t hire an interior designer or redo the upholstery. Just add a few touches that say you went the extra mile. Get some flowers, nothing too flashy mind you, to put on the counter. Get a candle to provide lighting instead of the overhead. If you have planes to dine in, set the places before she arrives. The little touches count.

So, have you done the above five things? Well then onward, Sir. Good luck!

jcartwright's picture
James Cartwright

Just like to write about sex and relationships!