How A Threesome Endangered My Marriage

Fri, 07/19/2013 - 23:26 -- Anonymous (not verified)

My wife and I were truly excited about following through with the threesome. I had booked a suite at the hotel we always stayed at for little getaways and although the event was set for Saturday, we decided to spend the whole weekend out there. I headed straight for the hotel after work on Friday and my wife met me there later after dropping off the kids with her parents. That night made it obvious that we were both extremely excited for the weekend as we had some of the greatest and hottest sex we had ever had. As conservative as she had always been, she surprised me by showing up in a coat under which she was wearing the sexiest/slutiest lingere she had ever worn for me. Not only was I surprised that she wore it (she usually goes for comfort over sexiness), but the fact that she walked through the hotel like that was an indicator that she was opening up sexually for the first time in our relationship.

It’s the fact that we were both so excited, and that she had allowed herself to open up so much that made it that much more disheartening when my friend called us on Saturday afternoon to flake on us. Now, I completely understand why he would be nervous and why he would back out last minute. I think most guys would be nervous about having a threesome with another guy. Now add to that the fact that the other guy happens to be a good friend the girl is his friend’s wife; it’s completely understandable. However, my wife didn’t see it that way. My wife’s thought process took her down a completely different route. She felt that he backed out because she wasn’t hot enough or that he just didn’t want to have sex with her. Of course, this wasn’t the case, but try convincing a woman with self esteem issues of that. As a result, our sexy weekend escapade came to a screeching halt. I spent most of the afternoon trying to convince her that she was not the cause of my friend changing his mind. Part of that effort included telling her that if we went out to a bar, or any public setting for that matter, any guy she would approach wouldn’t think twice about going home with her. That’s where we should have left thing; but, maybe because of the mind set we were already in for the weekend, we ended up taking things beyond the point we should have.

Later that night, we went to a local restaurant that had a pretty vibrant bar scene. Sure enough, it took very little effort to find a guy that was more than willing to participate. I will say that once we were back at the room, everything happened very naturally. Neither my wife nor I felt nervous at all. Things seemed to progress very naturally and the threesome itself was very enjoyable and a lot of fun. It was the aftermath that was messy.

After the gentleman left, we both fell asleep pretty quickly without having a chance to digest what had just happened. The next morning, there was a very awkward feeling between us. Very short answers. Little eye contact. Avoidance almost. It wasn’t until we started to make the drive back home that we started to talk, and it almost immediately started on a sour note.

She started talking about how she couldn’t believe what she had done, and not in a good way. She was very conflicted and was embarrassed that she went through with it. What she really seemed to be stuck on the most was that she let herself be used by a complete stranger. She was never a one-night stand kind of girl and had only been with a handful of guys before she met me, each of whom she had been in a very committed relationship with. Even in our relationship, it took six months of us dating before we did anything even remotely sexual. In addition to feeling shame, she had some resentment towards me for allowing the whole thing to happen. She said that I should have known her well enough to not allow her low self-esteem drive her decision making. Lastly, she was worried about my view of her changing and that I would now see her as a “whore” and no longer respect her as my wife the way I did before.

On my end, I was also a little bothered by the fact that a stranger had just done things with my wife that took me years to earn the privilege of doing. In fact, what really irked me, was the fact that she seemed perfectly fine with this guy finishing on her face which she had never let me do before. Lastly, I was upset that she needed someone else’s validation of her rather than just believing me when I told her she was attractive. I realize that my issues are a lot more trivial than the deep emotional rooted issues that my wife had, but it’s truly what I felt at the time.

By the time we finished divulging all of the things we were upset about, we had gotten to my in-laws to pick up the kids so the “discussion” ended without any resolution leaving both of us with ill feelings and resentment towards each other. To make matters worse, I had to fly out the following day for work and wasn’t due to return for two weeks. Needless to say that our communication during those two weeks was minimal and focused solely around the kids. Our tone with each other lacked the usual warmth and it was obvious that time wasn’t helping our feelings dissipate. Needless to say, the combination of being on the road and the issues with my wife curbed my motivation to post the promised update at the time.

When I got back from my trip things didn’t really change. We avoided each other, didn’t make much eye contact, said as many words as were necessary for the day and nothing more. We each slept as far to the edge our respective side of the bed as possible so obviously there was absolutely zero physical contact. Even when I would attempt to broach the subject, she would just make an excuse of why it wasn’t a good time to talk. Things were not good and they remained that way for a week. Keep in mind that during our seven year marriage (and even extending to our relationship prior to getting married), we had never gone more than a day without resolving an argument. We have always lived by the motto of ‘never go to bed angry’. So this lasting as long as it had was very scary and for a moment, it seemed like it may not have a resolution.

When the weekend came around, I took advantage of some alone time we had due to the kids going to a pool party for the day. We finally sat down and had a great conversation. We talked through both of our issues with what had happened and agreed that it stemmed from both of us jumping into this whole situation head first without talking it through first. Of course hindsight is 20/20 and it seems like such a ‘duh’ moment now but at the time we were just caught up in the excitement and let things go too far. She also said that her personal regret had a lot to do with it happening with a stranger and doesn’t think she would have come out of it feeling as bad as she did if it had actually happened with my friend. Similarly, I don’t think I would have felt as upset about the things that she did with this guy if it would have been my buddy instead. After a long discussion, we came away with the two biggest mistakes we made: we failed to discuss/communicate beforehand, and we involved a stranger.

After this discussion, we seemed to be back to our normal, loving selves. It took an extra couple of days but we finally had sex again which seemed to be the final step. A few days later, much to my surprise, she brought up the topic again but this time she wanted to discuss the positive aspects of the threesome. Despite the after effects, we both enjoyed the threesome very much. She loved the attention she got from both of us and I loved watching her. Since then, we’ve actually purchased a couple of toys and have simulated a threesome quite often. The entire experience has allowed her to open up sexually quite a bit from what she was used to. In turn, it has allowed me to somewhat play out some of my fantasies and preferences with my wife which is simply awesome. We’ve even discussed giving the threesome another shot though this time of course, with the proper preparation and people involved. If that does happen, it won’t be for a while, but we haven’t ruled the possibility out. Overall, we came out stronger at the end of it all. Our sex life is amazing now. My wife is experiencing new feelings, sensations, and thoughts and is open to trying more now than ever. Our communication is strong both relating to sex and just everyday activities. Yes, I realize we were in dangerous water and we went through an unnecessary risk, but luckily it all worked out in the end for the better.