Sexual Domination for Beginners

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 00:46 -- kylerichtig

Those who do not engage in domination often misunderstand it. They may believe it is demeaning, degrading or violent. In some cases, it is. The missing subtext is, that the submissive has asked for this play.

They are engaged in it as much as the dominant partner. There must be a high level open dialogue for domination to effectively work in a relationship.

Safe word and discussion

A safe word is used to stop or lessen play. The word "no" or "stop" is often used in dominance games, and therefore can be a mixed signal. Submissive partners choose a random word, (i.e. banana), to signal the dominant partner to discontinue what is happening. A previous discussion is necessary to outline the parameters; be very specific about what will and will not happen.

Domination in words

Many engage in domination games without knowing it. Having a partner express you are a "bad boy/girl" is a mild form of this game. One partner telling the other to do something is another. The how you tell them to do this changes the level of domination. Consider the difference between, "You are a bad girl." and "You are a dirty slut." as examples of embellishment. Think of your roles as characters. You are encouraged to free yourself from convention.

Domination in actions

The action of domination is a two way street. There can be no true domination without submission. The act of domination is the ability to make others submit with words and/or consequences. Whether it leads to consequences depends on the submissive. Popular consequences include degrading tasks or corporal punishment. Degrading tasks may range from calling the dominant partner sir or mistress, to boot licking. Corporal punishment, with or without tools, should be eased into. Use safe words when needed. Either side can use them. The dominant partner may not want to beat the submissive senseless because they fail to obey.

Test the waters

Those new to dominant sex can begin with simple trust related games. Before bringing out the riding crop, try spanking. Try a blindfold before lashing them to a cross. Moving slowly allows both sides to grow as they go. Neither side should take on more than they can handle. The idea of pain is not always the same as reality. Adding domination to your sex play can add a new world to explore. Couples need not explore these games alone. If multiple partners are an option, look for individuals with experience. Adding an impartial element can alleviate stigma and taboo.

Kyle Richtig

Kyle Richtig is a Canadian writer of foundry pushing poetry and fiction. He is certified in personality assessment and sees sex as an endless buffet of options. Check out more about his projects at kylerichtig.com

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